Click!

The tables are turning, the gears are clicking together, the motor is switched on and running.

There's no idling now.

Funny? dream

I suddenly found myself driving my dad's decrepit faded blue '84 Nissan Sunny. I know this car like the palm of my hand; I learned how to drive in it -a very interesting experience, especially for the poor car- but this time was different, something was very wrong. The pedals where... wrong, like they'd been tampered with, cross-wired. The clutch was the gas, the gas was the break, and I don't even know what the break did. To my dismay, the emergency break wasn't working either, as I soon noticed.

So I was driving, or trying to drive rather, around in desolate, black with dirt and darkness, totally deserted streets, looking for what? I couldn't tell. It was too dark, and I was too intent on not crashing the old beast into a half-collapsed wall of the many around me. I was fairly sure I was futilely going around in circles -when I managed to go forward.

I finally sought shelter in an old container the interior of which looked pretty much like an inhabited home. Someone had their laundry hanged to dry across a high rope. I parked there and got out.

The street out front the container was uphill. I climbed higher while calling my friend. She answered, but sounded aloof, distracted. Busy. I hang up. Out of the blue, three men appeared with electric guitars in their hands. They were all very young, in their early twenties, and had their long blond sleek hair pulled back in tidy ponytails. My ear caught something about rehearsal for a concert, when they started playing the opening melody of "angels fall first". The cadences were muffled though, confused somehow, almost as if the three mysterious musicians were playing different parts of the familiar overture; but I would have recognized it anywhere regardless.

The guitarists disappeared just as abruptly as they had appeared, and I had no more reason to stay there. I returned to the container, only to find it had been reduced to a small box, and the car had transformed into an... '84-Nissan-Sunny-shaped fluffy slipper. Faded blue, very soft, and exactly my size.

Well, I thought, baffled as I picked it up. At least now it 's easier to take home.

You really don't want to read this (you want to hear it)

I've got a lot to say to you... but how best to begin?

If I wrote it down all in a song would it be easier, would it make more sense? I wonder...

This will be my latest trick, through the sorrow, through the splendor, to make you see as I see, feel as I feel... all you have to do is surrender.

You should know, that I'm not afraid, I never have been. I'm a wild child, I play among the lights and shadows, you can't escape me, just like I can't escape myself. I tip toe around this shadow play, a little Dr. Jekyll, a little Mr. Hyde; your blood is like wine, I could just as easily be your vampire, only, you see, light doesn't hurt me. Instead of stressed, I lie here charmed... feeling lonely and content at the same time... and yes, it really is a rare kind of happiness. And as I'm still on my road to nowhere, don't you dare forget about me, you're my immortal, nothing can tear us apart. I'll wait a thousand years just to see you smile, hear your voice, though you know... I'm gonna leave you, just to have a reason to return, cause I sense it all too well... when the journey is done, there is no turning back.

I don't know... too many thoughts might have twisted my thinking; I want to seize the world and shake it upside down, sing the immortal serenade, run, really run until it feels like flying, part of me is flying already; run up that hill, on and on, make a difference... no way to slow down...

But when I'm gone I know I'll be looking over my shoulder until the day comes that my path will be one of return. Don't you go asking where is my mind... I willingly reached for the secret too soon... whispered dreams my eyes couldn't see... got a gun for a lover and heard its shot in the dark, laughed without a care and oscillated wildly within a familiar unforgettable fire until a midnight summer dream had me in its spell.

I closed my eyes... only for a moment...
Let my spirit wander endlessly...

I don't know if I want to go back. I don't know how. All I know is, I want to hear his voice as he says...........................

yeah...

It breaks, it burns... it all happens once again...
It's coming closer...

So let the flames begin...

Scrambled?..

So many things I want to write about..

but when I try to put them down, the words are coming out all wrong, scrambled, twisted and meaningless, thought they had manifested themselves in my head fairly clearly just a minute ago.

Either the language has grown tired of me, or I'm turning into such a disoriented and confused fool.

I wish there was a way to save the thoughts I'm having while swimming, walking, sleeping. I wish there was some kind of tool, a save button. It would have made this task that much easier.

Then again, where would be the fun in that?...

Haunted

Flood, washing all sense away.

Thoughts in a snarl. Emotions in an uproar.

Haunted by the non-existence of a ghost. Who’s there? Me, only me.

Staring. At nothing in particular, seeing everything, perhaps for the first time.

Caught in that whirl, you thought you wouldn’t be able to swim, but you can, you can.

It’s surprising what you can easily do once you give it a try.

Counting down. Three, two, one. Ha, I’m airborne.

What caused this? There’s no cause, no reason.

No, no, there’s always a reason. If only you admit to it.

The change you sought is here.

Three, two, one. Here goes nothing…

(that’ll teach me to listen to Trevor Morris at midnight)

Artistic

Because I can't help it.

Because I just have to.

Because it's the only way I can ever be.

Yes!

Change everything I am
And everything I ever was

My number has been called


Best, I've got to be the best
I've got to change the world
And use this chance to be heard

My time is now...