All I have to offer

I don't know what the fuck I'm doing.

My mind spins. You made it spin. The way you looked straight into my eyes when the dam that held your emotions in broke down, letting the flood of feelings loose dumbfounded me. The simplicity of the words overwhelmed me. The purity of the moment cut me in half.

And I hate how I 'm unable to focus on anything. I hate how I keep second-guessing my own decisions. I hate how it doesn't seem to be enough that you already have your answer. Not enough for you. Not enough for me.

And you've set things in motion, this much is true. Things that I'd long forgotten existed. That I thought weren't even there. Or real. And for that, I know I owe you.

But the passing of years upon years alone has taken its toll...

How can I convince my feet to walk on the ground when my mind is always in search of its place among the clouds?

How can I settle for the peaceful bubbling of the stream when every inch of me yearns for the wild, boisterous ocean?

How can I live in the light when the night keeps beckoning me?

How can I make do with what I have when my heart craves for so much more?

How can I ever stay, when I'm already gone?..



See, how I can't seem to tear my eyes off of the faraway horizon they're so firmly fixed on...

See, I can't spare one single glance to look at myself in the mirror.

I can't even look in your eyes for the fear of what I might find there; for fear of seeing the reflection of what I've become.

I never said it was fair. But this one truth is all I have to offer.