Sunday evening…
Feeling baffled. Confused. Like it’s not me in my shoes, or like it’s the real me for the first time, a new me I’ve never met before.
People everywhere… men, women, forming circles and dyads and triangles and all kinds of strange shapes that constantly reform into something else, again and again; meanwhile I’m still trying to figure out my place in all this, if there is a place for me in all this… Where do I fit in? Do I fit in at all?
Games without frontiers… with the eyes, the hands, the gestures, the unspoken words that sparkle in one’s eyes waiting eagerly to be heard by someone else’s eyes.
Fears and hopes and expectations turning round and round, devouring us whole with one single big bite of fate.
And then? Then nothing, the wheel keeps on turning relentlessly, changes never seize, what was yesterday today is no more and tomorrow will be forgotten, giving its place in something new, a newborn feeling, a newborn destiny.
Suddenly someone is there in the window, looking outside at a sky that had never been blue…
Strange how random thoughts put down in words seem to express one’s feelings so perfectly at times like these. Funny how the same hand that chokes you sets you free. Amazing how you can begin to learn yourself when you have just given up on learning altogether.
And it’s true, that there’s no place you can find out more about the world than inside your very own soul.
A sparkle. A flame that has never been lit, a distant light in the mist. In the never-ending noise of this great city a deafening silence from afar that screams into my ears and fills my brain, tearing it apart with no mercy.
What am I afraid of? That I and I alone am Pandora’s box, I open up and what comes out unleashed is the threatening mystery of ages, that one formidable secret...
What the fuck is going on? Am I sad or am I happy? Am I distressed, annoyed, content, strong, weak, something else, none of the above, all of the above?
Am I who I am because I was taught to be that way, chose to be that way or because I never really had a choice? And if I had a choice who would I be? What would I have chosen?
Who I am now? Who will I be tomorrow?
But I’m still here…
I hear your voice… I’m looking at you, unwillingly. You look at me, but I don’t know what you mean.
This life makes no sense… how come I just love it that way?
And then? Then nothing, the wheel keeps on turning relentlessly, changes never seize, what was yesterday today is no more and tomorrow will be forgotten, giving its place in something new, a newborn feeling, a newborn destiny.
Suddenly someone is there in the window, looking outside at a sky that had never been blue…
Strange how random thoughts put down in words seem to express one’s feelings so perfectly at times like these. Funny how the same hand that chokes you sets you free. Amazing how you can begin to learn yourself when you have just given up on learning altogether.
And it’s true, that there’s no place you can find out more about the world than inside your very own soul.
A sparkle. A flame that has never been lit, a distant light in the mist. In the never-ending noise of this great city a deafening silence from afar that screams into my ears and fills my brain, tearing it apart with no mercy.
What am I afraid of? That I and I alone am Pandora’s box, I open up and what comes out unleashed is the threatening mystery of ages, that one formidable secret...
What the fuck is going on? Am I sad or am I happy? Am I distressed, annoyed, content, strong, weak, something else, none of the above, all of the above?
Am I who I am because I was taught to be that way, chose to be that way or because I never really had a choice? And if I had a choice who would I be? What would I have chosen?
Who I am now? Who will I be tomorrow?
But I’m still here…
I hear your voice… I’m looking at you, unwillingly. You look at me, but I don’t know what you mean.
This life makes no sense… how come I just love it that way?
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