Αγαπώ...!

Να λοιπόν και μια ελληνική ανάρτηση!

Ο ιστολογικός φίλος Pan (με τον φοβερό και τρομερό στίχο στο προφίλ) με προσκάλεσε να μοιραστώ κι εγώ με την σειρά μου τα 10 πράγματα που αγαπώ περισσότερο. Μου θυμίζει μια κουβέντα που είχα κάποτε με έναν καλό φίλο σχετικά με τα πράγματα χωρίς τα οποία δεν μπορούσαμε να ζήσουμε. Έχουν αλλάξει πολλά βέβαια από τότε... για να δούμε λοιπόν...

Αγαπώ την μουσική. Έλα ρε θα μου πεις, και ποιος δεν αγαπάει την μουσική; Όχι, δεν κατάλαβες. ΑΓΑΠΩ την μουσική με όλο μου το είναι. Αγαπώ την στιγμή που η ψυχή ξεχειλίζει και τραγουδάς μόνο και μόνο για να μην σε πνίξει αυτό που νοιώθεις, για να μην γονατίσεις κάτω απ'το βάρος του. Αγαπώ την ανατριχίλα που με πιάνει στον ήχο της ηλεκτρικής κιθάρας και την ένταση του μπάσου και των ντραμς. Γουστάρω και αγαπώ τα παλιά λαϊκά για λόγους που δεν περιγράφονται με λέξεις - σε καμμία γλώσσα. Και γουστάρω που η ζωή μου μερικές φορές μοιάζει με μουσικό βιντεο χωρίς τέλος.

Αγαπώ τον καφέ. Όχι το ρόφημα, τον καφέ α-λα ελληνικά. Τον καφέ εκείνο που συνοδεύεται από αγαπημένη παρέα και κουβέντα επί παντός επιστητού, ανέμων, υδάτων, συννέφων, ορατών τε πάντων και αοράτων. Αγαπώ τον καφέ που ξυπνάει το μυαλό και ζεσταίνει την καρδιά, κάτι απογεύματα χωρίς άγχος, χωρίς γαμημένα (μπαρδόν) deadlines, χωρίς να σε κυνηγάει το ρολόι, μέχρι να τελειώσουν τα τσιγάρα ή να σε πάρει ο ύπνος στο τραπεζάκι ή να σε ψάχνουν οι δικοί σου στα νοσοκομεία και αστυνομικά τμήματα. Τον καφέ εκείνον που μπορεί να καταλήξει σε περιπάτους, μπύρες και έναν σωρό άλλα πράγματα.

Λατρεύω το γέλιο και το χαμόγελο των ανθρώπων που αγαπώ, τον ήχο της φωνής τους οταν είναι έτοιμοι να ξελιγωθούν, όταν μιλάμε από καρδιάς, όταν κλαίμε ο ένας στα χέρια του άλλου, όταν αλληλοτσαντιιζόμαστε και την επόμενη στιγμή τα βρίσκουμε, όταν φτιάχνουμε μαζί αναμνήσεις που αξίζει να κρατάς μέσα σου μέχρι να μαζέψεις τα μπαγάζια σου για τον άλλο κόσμο. Και τελικώς ίσως αυτά να είναι τα μπαγάζια σου.

Αγαπώ την δημιουργικότητα! Την στιγμή που το τίποτα γίνεται κάτι, παίρνει μορφή, σχήμα, χρώμα, πνοή. Στο χαρτί, στην οθόνη, στο μπλοκάκι, στο πληκτρολόγιο, στον φακό, στο μυαλό.

Αγαπώ τα ταξίδια - κι ας μην έχω ταξιδέψει πολύ. Για ένα όνειρο ζούμε όλοι...

Αγαπώ την απίστευτη αίσθηση της νίκης επί του εαυτού μου, όταν τα βάζω με τα μούτρα μου και τα τσακίζω. Δεν υπάρχει τίποτα μα τίποτα που δεν μπορείς να επιτύχεις όταν έχεις κερδίσει τον εαυτό σου, όταν οι πραγματικές σου επιθυμίες επιβληθούν στην συνήθεια και την βλακεία που μερικές φορές μας δέρνει. Κι όπως είχε πει και μια ψυχή: "I'm kicking my ass, do you mind??"

Αγαπώ την θάλασσα και τον ουρανό... αγαπώ να βλέπω τον κόσμο μέσα από το μπλε φίλτρο τους, είναι πιο όμορφος, πιο ζωντανός, πιο δροσερός έτσι. Αγαπώ τον ήλιο και την βροχή. Μην με κλείνετε μέσα ρε γαμώτο πνίγομαι...

Αγαπώ... μια εικόνα στο μυαλό μου που έχει καρφωθεί και δεν λέει να φύγει. Μπλε και αυτή. Δυο μάτια στα οποία μέσα ποτέ δεν έχω κοιτάξει, ένα χαμόγελο που ακόμα δεν έχω δει. Πού θα μου πας....

Αγαπώ την ομορφιά της χώρας μου, όπου και αν βρίσκεται στον χώρο και τον χρόνο.

Και τέλος αγαπώ το όνειρο. Τα όνειρα. Το ονειρεύεσθαι. Την ημέρα που θα σταματήσω να ονειρεύομαι, σίγουρα θα είμαι νεκρή.


Και τώρα ήρθε η ώρα της σκυτάλης και της πρόσκλησης... δεν ξέρω αν και ποιοι και πότε με διαβάζουν, οπότε απλώς θα αφήσω την πρόσκληση ανοιχτή.

Όσοι πιστοί προσέλθετε... ελάτε ρε, υπάρχει πιο ωραίο θέμα για ανάρτηση;

What have you got at the end of the day...

...blinds on the windows
and a pain behind your eyes...

What I've learned today

That it really doesn't hurt to indulge in doing absolutely nothing once in a blue moon. It clears the head.

That I desperately need to purge the bitterness that's been marring my system for a while now, before it completely corrodes my mind and soul.

That a problem will never go away if I just keep ignoring it; instead it will most probably grow to gigantic proportions and eventually overwhelm me.

That I don't need to keep torturing myself by using advance raytrace shadows in my renderings. Quite the epiphany, and it only took me two years to figure that out.

That the path to hell might be paved with good intentions, but by people who only feign good intentions. If that makes any sense.

That if you want to remain truthful to yourself, you're most likely bound to end up walking alone.
...Who wants an entourage anyway?

Painted skies

When all you see can only bring you sadness...

time to change your view.

Contradictions

So life is full of blatant contradictions. Black versus white -and all hues in between- battling inexorably, and it's not like you can ignore either side (or anything in between). You can't pretend they don't concern you. You're in between, you were born in between, it's all swirling around you as it always has.

But you can learn... so much, by simply paying attention.

Black.




White:

The first man is describing a shitty (to put it mildly) but very real situation, but at least someone has finally paid attention, someone addressed the issue openly, called it by its name. Someone is awake.

The second man is blind... but he sees more, even with no eyes, than most people ever stop to notice. The actual beauty in life, the little things that can make the difference.

Both men make a statement. Both men see. And they see things that are substantial and very there -even if in diametrical opposition- things that most ignore, submerged in the same daily routine that idles the mind and numbs the existence.

Black and white, and all hues in between.
Balance the two, and you've got the formula down right.

Ignore one, and you're off balance.


And to think that we all just live mostly in one grey. How much do we miss?



-Note: this post is addressed to no one in particular, and not to be taken personally. -

Nothing random about this Sunday morning

Sunday morning.

Woke up with a familiar as much as beloved guitar solo in my head. I'm pretty sure I was hearing it in my sleep. Odd. But pleasant.

Home alone, lots to do but nothing I feel obligated to do, no deadlines looming, no errands to run, no chores to attend to.
Nothing compels me, not today.

Feeling oddly relaxed, serene.

The light is wonderful today. Soft and buttery.

Summer is slowly moving on. The change is palpable, but with no consequence. The transition affects nothing. Not yet.

I sit there, gazing absentmindedly out the window. I don't want to think about anything. Don't want to ponder all that await in ambush for me around the corner, the battles I will eventually have to fight, the difficulties of the upcoming winter, the effort I'll have to expend to stand my ground. Don't want to dwell on the excess baggage I finally unloaded and the consequences of that act. I tune everything out, let my mind empty itself for once. It feels strangely nice. Comforting.

I pick up a piece of paper. Expected. Inevitable.



The quiescence surrounding me is at odds with something tugging around the edges of my subconscious.

He's being admitted to the hospital. Another surgery. Another anxiety. Agony. Is he going to make it this time?

I promise to try very hard not to compare today's calm with the quiet before the storm.

Statement

Great people talk of Ideas
Simple people talk of facts
little people talk about others.

[Οι Μεγάλοι άνθρωποι μιλούν για Ιδέες
οι απλοί άνθρωποι μιλούν για γεγονότα
οι μικροί άνθρωποι μιλούν για τους άλλους]

I would rather not be counted with the latter.

Click!

The tables are turning, the gears are clicking together, the motor is switched on and running.

There's no idling now.

Funny? dream

I suddenly found myself driving my dad's decrepit faded blue '84 Nissan Sunny. I know this car like the palm of my hand; I learned how to drive in it -a very interesting experience, especially for the poor car- but this time was different, something was very wrong. The pedals where... wrong, like they'd been tampered with, cross-wired. The clutch was the gas, the gas was the break, and I don't even know what the break did. To my dismay, the emergency break wasn't working either, as I soon noticed.

So I was driving, or trying to drive rather, around in desolate, black with dirt and darkness, totally deserted streets, looking for what? I couldn't tell. It was too dark, and I was too intent on not crashing the old beast into a half-collapsed wall of the many around me. I was fairly sure I was futilely going around in circles -when I managed to go forward.

I finally sought shelter in an old container the interior of which looked pretty much like an inhabited home. Someone had their laundry hanged to dry across a high rope. I parked there and got out.

The street out front the container was uphill. I climbed higher while calling my friend. She answered, but sounded aloof, distracted. Busy. I hang up. Out of the blue, three men appeared with electric guitars in their hands. They were all very young, in their early twenties, and had their long blond sleek hair pulled back in tidy ponytails. My ear caught something about rehearsal for a concert, when they started playing the opening melody of "angels fall first". The cadences were muffled though, confused somehow, almost as if the three mysterious musicians were playing different parts of the familiar overture; but I would have recognized it anywhere regardless.

The guitarists disappeared just as abruptly as they had appeared, and I had no more reason to stay there. I returned to the container, only to find it had been reduced to a small box, and the car had transformed into an... '84-Nissan-Sunny-shaped fluffy slipper. Faded blue, very soft, and exactly my size.

Well, I thought, baffled as I picked it up. At least now it 's easier to take home.

You really don't want to read this (you want to hear it)

I've got a lot to say to you... but how best to begin?

If I wrote it down all in a song would it be easier, would it make more sense? I wonder...

This will be my latest trick, through the sorrow, through the splendor, to make you see as I see, feel as I feel... all you have to do is surrender.

You should know, that I'm not afraid, I never have been. I'm a wild child, I play among the lights and shadows, you can't escape me, just like I can't escape myself. I tip toe around this shadow play, a little Dr. Jekyll, a little Mr. Hyde; your blood is like wine, I could just as easily be your vampire, only, you see, light doesn't hurt me. Instead of stressed, I lie here charmed... feeling lonely and content at the same time... and yes, it really is a rare kind of happiness. And as I'm still on my road to nowhere, don't you dare forget about me, you're my immortal, nothing can tear us apart. I'll wait a thousand years just to see you smile, hear your voice, though you know... I'm gonna leave you, just to have a reason to return, cause I sense it all too well... when the journey is done, there is no turning back.

I don't know... too many thoughts might have twisted my thinking; I want to seize the world and shake it upside down, sing the immortal serenade, run, really run until it feels like flying, part of me is flying already; run up that hill, on and on, make a difference... no way to slow down...

But when I'm gone I know I'll be looking over my shoulder until the day comes that my path will be one of return. Don't you go asking where is my mind... I willingly reached for the secret too soon... whispered dreams my eyes couldn't see... got a gun for a lover and heard its shot in the dark, laughed without a care and oscillated wildly within a familiar unforgettable fire until a midnight summer dream had me in its spell.

I closed my eyes... only for a moment...
Let my spirit wander endlessly...

I don't know if I want to go back. I don't know how. All I know is, I want to hear his voice as he says...........................

yeah...

It breaks, it burns... it all happens once again...
It's coming closer...

So let the flames begin...